Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
