i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
