he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Text me some of your sweat
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