You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
