New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
