If that was your dad, he is hot
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
