The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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