Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
