I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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