i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
