There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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