If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
