JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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