looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
