dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
