I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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