They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
