I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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