I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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