So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
