So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
