I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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