You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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