I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
