I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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