I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
