I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize