Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
