My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
