the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shame - the story of my life.
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