You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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