So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
