So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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