i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
