I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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