Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
