I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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