ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
