Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize