WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
