dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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