He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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