Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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