jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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