I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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