Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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