That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
