PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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