I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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