How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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