it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
