I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
