Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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