is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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